Funny SMS Collection

Manzil ki taraf badhte raho.
jo dil kahe usi rah ko chuno,
peeche walon ko age na jaane do
aur jo aage hai unse aage niklo.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
Tabhi 1 acche Truck Driver banoge.....

........................................
when you are alone,
when you are crying,
when you are upset,
don't think of me!!

just call me because

incoming is free for me.....

........................................

One day you'll b suprised to c me beside U
u & me laughing,
u & me crying,
u & me dreaming,
u & me holding on,
u & me

just u & me sitting in a mental hospital &

me checking u.....

........................................
Hum itne Sweet nahi ke diabates ho jaye
aur na itne Salty ke B.P baarh jaye
na he itne Tasty ke maza aah jaye
per hum itne Karway b nahi ke yaad he na ayein.....

........................................
If sun forgets the Warmth !
If the birds forgets the Songs !
If love forgets the emotions !
If heart forgets pumping !

I will never forget my money
you took in this message.....

........................................

jab kabhi kaali ghata ayi, tum yaad aye
jab baarish hoi, tum yaad aye
jab bheege hum, tum yaad aye
batao meri chatri kab wapis dogi.....

........................................


An apple a day
keeps the doctor away,
but if doctor is cute,
forget the fruits....

........................................
is kadar hum aapko chahte hai
ke duniya wale dekh ke jal jate hai
yu to hum sabhi ko ULLU banate hai
lakin app thora jaldi bann jate hai.....

........................................

Itne dino se mna rha hoon
kitna tumko samjha rha hoon
Ab ke sach mein kehta hoon,
Maan ja warna mein dusri la rha hoon

........................................


kab tumne hum ko manaya hai
tumhe humesha jhoot bolte hi paya hai
jab tum koi doosri lao gey
humko bhi akela nahi pao gey.....

........................................

Mr . Elahi had 3 sons named
Rehmat-e-Elahi,
Barkat-e-Elahi &
Mehbub-e-Elahi
When his 4th son was born his wife decided to name him
Bas-ker-Elahi....


........................................
5 benefits of Kissing,
-changes taste
-burns calorie
-lips never go dry
-relives stress
-make face musles stronge
So keep kissing the CHILD....

........................................

Hi! i am marrying next week. there will be a small party and only a few people will be invited…so i am inviting you…don’t bring any gift with you…just bring someone to marry me


........................................

Mil gaya

'oye mil gaya'

oye oye mil gaya

oho mil gaya

Balle Balle

mil he gaya

aaj to mil he gaya



yes sms parhne wala
ek aur bewaquf mil gaya....

........................................

A Magic,

om gilli gilli
chu mantar kali kalandar
abra ka dabra..
NOTICED any change in you?
No!

Magican theek kehta tha bandar
pey yeh jadu nahi chalta

........................................


Jahan dosti vahan pyar,
Jahan pyar vahan ishq,
Jahan ishq vahan judai,
Jahan judai vahan dard,
Jahan dard vahan vicks,
vicks lagao aur chup kar ke so jao
Good Night

........................................

anaza mere uth raha tha
phir bhi takleef thi unko aane main
bewafa ghar main beth ker puch rahi thi
aur kitni der hai dafnaane main

........................................

5 Steps to a Lovely Morning,
close your eyes, take a deep breath
open your arms wide, feel your heatbeat
and say
"Its too early. Let me sleep again".....

........................................

If ever in your life
yor are sad, lonely and feel that you've lost everything.
I'll come, hold your hand, take you for a walk on a bridge
& show you where to jump from....

........................................

Roses are red
Violets are blue
i was born Beautiful
but what the ###### happened to you....

........................................

I saw you on the roof one day
you were looking so pretty
your face so divine
your walk so perfect
My heart started to sing a song

udthe kothay utey kanwa way...


........................................
Days are too busy
Hours are too fast
Seconds are too few
but
There is always time for me to disturb you.....

........................................

Sincere Apology if you dont like my sms
or dont like to read or if my messeage
disturb you then please dont hestitate
feel free to throw your mobile...

........................................

Most people have 5 senses but
some people have 6 senses but
you've 7 senses an extra senses of
"NON-SENSE".....

........................................


GOOD MORNING !

kindly observe SILENCE for two minutes
in the memory of those poor mosquitoes
who died last night after sucking your blood.

Thanks......

........................................


When a guy tellz you that he loves you
from the bottom of his heart

be careful for this may mean that

he has enough space for another girl
on the top of his heart.....

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Patriotic song by a "person"

aae mere vatan de logo zara ankh wich bhar leyo pani
ju shaheed huwo hai onna di tussi ghar le aayo JANANI.....

........................................


Jab subha jago to KALMA Tayeba parho

Jab paani peeyo to BISMILLAH parho

Jab mujhe dekho to SUBHAN'AL
LAH parho

Jab sheesha dekho to LAHOL WALA parho.....

........................................

When i send you msg's

It doesn't mean you've to do the same.

You can send

Cash,
Fruits,
Tea,
Petrol,
Pizza,
Chicken,
Chocolates
&
other Gifts..

So start practising Now....


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Women have a passion for mathematics.
They divide their age in half,
double the price of their clothes and
always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.....

........................................

This is a Historical msg READ CAREFULLY

In the year 1786

my self

my friends

you

your family

your friends




NO ONE was BORN.....!
........................................

New punishment 4 mobile owners.

Miss call ke liay jail..

call ke liay phansi..

sms ke liay Umerqaid..

lekin TUM mat daroo

KANJOOSE ko to "AIK LAKH" ka inaam hai!!! .....

........................................

arz kiya hai ...

is chaman se yeh jahnke, us chaman se woh jahnke (jahnke=dekhe)
is chaman se yeh jahnke, us chamen se woh jahnke

is chaman se yeh janhke, us chaman se woh jahnke
jala do is chaman ko na yeh jahnke na woh jahnke..... smile.gif smile.gif smile.gif

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Number wala pehan liya chasma
ab baro mein shumar hamara hai
ankhoon mein jo basi thi us ne bhi
keh kar uncle pukara hai.....
........................................


This is your mobile operator and
we just found out you are too dumb
to use your phone, so please put it on
ground and start jumping on it.
Thank you.....
thespiderman_ni is offline Add to thespiderman_ni's Reputation

3 monkeys escaped from zoo.
1 found watching TV
2 found playing football
3rd....









































no it`s not u.
why do u always think like that
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SIR : ISHQ aur PYAR mein kya farak hai?

Student : Sir Pyar vo hai jo aap apni beti se karte hain aur ishq vo hai jo main aapki beti se karta hun

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U know what`s the meaning of "ABCDEFG" ?
a
boy
can
do
everything
for
girls

Reverse the letters "GFEDCBA"

girls
forget
everything
done &
catch new
boys
again.
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Mr Verma to his adopted son---beta what is the height of laziness
Son---what else than "ADOPTING A CHILD
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Marketing lesson:

U propose a girl that is direct marketing,

propos on phone that is tele-marketing

girl slaps u: that is customer feedback
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Arz kiya hain---
humne suna tha zindagi imtehaan leti hain................................
humne suna tha zindagi imtehaan leti hain................................
humne suna tha zindagi imtehaan leti hain................................
humne suna tha zindagi imtehaan leti hain................................

PAR YAHAAN TO IMTEHAANO NE ZINDAGI LE LI
----------------------------------------

a cigarette shortens ur life by 2 mins; a beer shortens ur life by 4 min but a lecture shortens ur life by 1 hour,

so dont attend lectures just smoke and drink
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the shortest luv story

Once upon a time.... a boy proposed 2 girl and she said no and boy lived happily ever after
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Ek Aadmi ne apni wife ko khat likha Is mahine salary ki bajaye 100 ksii bhej raha hu, Wife ne Jawab diya apke salary ki bajaye 100 kiss mile: Hisab bhej rahi hu, Doodh wala 2 kiss me maan gaya,Teacher ko 7 deni padi, Sabjiwala 7 me nahi mana isliye 9 deni padi, Makan malik to roj 6-7 le jata hai. Aap chinta mat karna mere pass abhi bhi 30 - 40 bachihai, mahina aaram se kat jayega.
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terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers... and demanded aransom of 500000 rs or else they will burn them with kerosene... plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.
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Ai mere kadardan, Dost meri Jaan, Tum hamesha rahoge hattekhatte nawjawan kyounki.... Khuda meherbaan to Gadha PAHELWAAN....

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newtons law of luv
every boy is attracted towards a girl wid a force directly propotion 2 d beauty of girl
and
inversly proportion to the strenght of her brother!!!

--------------------------------

nursery class boys and girls asked teacher

"can kids of our age have kids?"

teacher: no, never

boy said to girl: bas dekha tu aaise hi dar rahi thi

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pledge of boys
Pakistan is our nation,
girls r our destination,
dating is our occupation,
flirting is ourproffession
to hell with education
-------------------------------------

wen pamela met lalu
she took him home, striped and said:"tie me 2 bed and do wat biharies are good at"
lalu tied her and took TV, stero and ran away
--------------------------------

suahag raat ke baad Santa ne galti se apni biwi ko 100Rs. ka note de diya

Prob. yeh nahi thi, prob yeh hui ki uski biwi ne bhi 20Rs. wapis kar diye
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before marrige: roses are red, voilets are blue, u r beautiful and i LUV U
after marrige: roses are dead, i am blue, r getting on my head and sumday i'll KILL U

--------------------------------------------

Iqbal ne bang-e-draa mein likha hain............


























































are popat yahaan nahin .....
Bang-e-Draa mein likha hain....
----------------------------

wife-kal raat tum mujhe neeend mein gaaliyan de rahe the.........
husband-tumhe galat fehmi hui hain............
wife-kya?????????/
husband-main neend mein nahin tha!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A girl phoned me the other day and said...Come on over, there is nobody home.



















I went over. Reley Nobody was home.
------------------------------

Why do men fart more often than women ? Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure.
---------------------------------


for pepsi--shahrukh khan
for coke -- aamir khan
for mirinda-- vivek oberoi
for fanta -- rani mukherje
for thumsup-- salmaan khan



dont worry

kanche waali botal-- tere naam kar di jayegi
-----------------------------------

ishq mein hue hum itne pagal,
ki humne unki zulfon ke saaye mein rehne ki kasam kha dali
or wo sali itni bewafa nikli
ke usne apni zulfe hi kata dali

-----------------------------------------


ram ji ne sita se shaadi ki

ravan ne sita ko kidnap kiya

Hanumanji ne sita ko bachaya




Ab batao vaastav mein hero kaun??





































Sanjay dutt

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LADKA-Tute hue Dil se pyar karogi,Ya Dil tutne tak pyar karogi... LADKI-Tuti hui chappal se maar khayega,ya chappal tutne tak maar khayega...


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Bazu-o-mein dum rakhta hoon, Dil mein gum rakhta hoon, pata tha aapka SMS aayega, Is liye DISPRIN sang rakhta hoon

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Count many star on the screen.... * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ....Are Mamu subah ho gayi..Aaaila ab din mein bhi taare gin ne lage....
------------------------------

Majnu ko Laila ka SMS nahi aaya usne 3 din se khana nahi khaya. Woh marne wala hai Laila ke pyar mein,Aur Laila baithi hai SMS free hone ke intezar mein.

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I asked GOD for world peace,He said its impossible,Ask any thing else...I told him to make U intelligent,He replied let me try world peace....

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jab kuda ne tumhai banaya ho ga, ek saror sa us ka dil pe chaya hoga. pahle socha hoga jannat main rakhoon. phir us ko ZOO ka khayal aaya hoga...

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Ram ne Dhanush Toda, Sita Daur Ke Aayi. Kishan Ne Bansuri Bajayi, Aur Radha Bhag ke chali Aayi. Aur Humne sirf Siti Mari, Sali Baap ko Le Aayi.

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A Sardar learning english introduces his family at a party. Hi I am a Sardar. This is my sardarni . He is my Kid and she is my Kidney.

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Star + Moon = romanticNight Bird + Sky = Luvly Day Forest + Animal = Refreshing U + Ur Smile = BHAAGO BHUT AAYA

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How do u know when kids start to grow up?
Gals grow up when they start to put lipstick n boys grow up when they start to wipe it off!

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Paani mein Whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai. Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.

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Girl : Ouch, its 2
tight.
Boy: Dont worry
love,i'll do it slowly
G:Push it in.
B:Aah.... I cant.
G:Oh! Its painful
B:Forget it, lets
get
a new wedding
ring!

-----------------------------------

Tum
Ha tum,
Gatar ke suar
Awara kutte
Malaria k machhar,
Sand ke gobar
Makhhi ki thuk &
Khatiya k khatmal
In sabse dur rehna mere dost
Warna bimar padoge..
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Year 1927 Aug 26 th Evening 07:48 . . . . . . . . . . .
.
.
.
Nothing happened. You just carry on with your work
---------------------------------------------

Common dialogue after exams and suhaagraat :
kaisa hua ?
Achha hua ?
Thoda bada tha , thoda chhoot gaya , aata tha par theek se kar nahin paya!!!
------------------------------------------

Once a sardar was looking at a WANTED poster & was wondering -

Saala wanted tha to photo kheenchne ke baad use jaane kyon diya ?
*************

Sardar car ki battery change karwane gaya ...

Mechanic - Sahab, Exide ki daal doon ?

Sardar - Nahin yaar, dono side ki daal de, warna phir problem hogi.

*************

A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question
-

Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?

Sardar - Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.

*************

Sardar returns book to library, bangs it on table & says - What a **** ?
"I read the whole book, too many character, no story at all" ?.

Librarian : So, you are the one who took the Telephone Directory....

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Two Sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other

to check whether it is working.

He puts his head out and says - YES..NO..YES..NO..YES..NO
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Sardarji, tell me ...., what is the meaning of SMS ?

Sardar angrily said, i know -

it means....

S - Sardaron ke

M - Mazak udane ki

S - Service

*************

Banta : Oye to har SMS ko do baar kyom bhej raha hai ?

Santa : Kyunki tujhe agar ek forward karna ho to dusra tere paas rahe !!!

-----------------------------------

when i call u:
1 ring meanz i'm Thinking of U,

2 ring meanz i Like U,

3 ring meanz i Miss U,

4 ring meanz i need U,
5 ring meanz ZALEEL INSAAN FONE UTHA

------------------------------

If ther is no sugar

Coffee is waste...


If ther is no love

life is waste...


If ther is no moon

sky is waste...


If ther is no 'You"








Zoo is waste...
Please return immediately

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U stole my MEMORY-I Excused! U stole my SMILE- I Excused U! U stole my HEART- I Excused U! But this is 2 much mere kutte ki plate wapas kar de plz.

-------------------------------

Girls policy:
Flirt with innocent boys!
Fun with handsome boys!
Friendship with smart boys!
Love with faithful boys!
Marriage with RICH boys
-----------------------------

What is a kiss?
In view of geomatry: Kiss, is the shortest distance between 2 lips.
In the view of economics: Kiss is that thing, which always has higher demand than supply.
---------------------------------
Bachlor's Life:-
Monday - Dosti
Tuesday - Pyaar
Wednesday - Shaadi
Thursday - Barbadi
Friday - Fighting
Saturday - Divorce
Sunday - Rest
Monday - Next
--------------------------------

Newspaper say smOke is bad I stOp smOking.

Newspaper say drink is bad
I stOp drinking.

Newspaper say miss U is bad I stOp


stOp... read the newspaper!!.


-------------------------

i blieve
u were
born
in this world
,*. a very
(", ) cute
(,w,) little
(")(") baby...

now that u've
grown up...

)(/(/(
( o..o ) WHAT
( _ ) HAPPEN
--------------------------------------

Cheeeeeers!
Good news 4 you.
Thums up pio,
pepsi pio,
juice pio,
dew pio,
shake pio,
beer pio.
kyunki

ab

HUGGIES pe Rs12/-off.

Karlo susu chaddi mein ..
------------------------------------

• Banta: What four letter word starts with F and ends with K and if a man can't get it he uses his hands?
Santa: Fork

---------------------------------------

• Santa: Oye Banta don't marry that girl, she is like a TAXI.
Banta: Choti si to city hai yaar... kitni cali hogi?

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• Jeeto was about to give birth to a baby.
Santa: If it looks like u, it would be great.
Jeeto: If it looks like u, it would be a miracle.
--------------------------------

• Banta to a Doctor : I have diarrhoea & it wont go away.
Doctor: Did you try using a lemon?
Banta: Yes I did. When I remove it, it starts again.

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• Banta: Did u hv a chance 2 sleep with my wife?
Santa: What r u saying? I’d never even think abt such thing.
Banta: U might want 2. She’s much better then urs.

-------------------------------------------------

• Ur my Funny, Understanding, Cute, Kind, Intelligent, Naughty, Great, Sweet, Honest, Independent, Truthful friend in short u r my F.U.C.K.I.N.G S.H.I.T. friend
-------------------------------------------------------

wanted to kill the SWEETEST,SMARTEST &
the most beautiful person on the earth,
But then I thought .........
Suicide is a crime.
--------------------------------------

CHI CHANG CHEN
LAINGHUANG THEIN
CHI KWA SIAU-CIE
WOHEN HAU NI THAZ
THAZ HAO OEI SIEN-SHENG
Popat ! Agar samajh nahi aaraha hai to padh kyon rahe
ho....?
===============================

Which letters R* Cute* ?
A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Ans: Don't tell it to anyone ok?
'U' and 'I'.

==================================

Zindagi mein teen chijien kabhi bhi aasakti hain....

1. Paisa
2. Maut

Aur......????......Aur

3. Mera Message.

========================
Yaaden teri rakh di hai sambhalkar,
Dur kahi is dil se nikalkar.
Sab kuch to vapas le liya hai aapne dur jaakar,
in yaadon ko bhi le jana kisi roz aakar..
===============================

1 barsat ki raat
-ek bhigi ladki,
-bhiga badan,
-bhigi zulfe,
-bhige hoth,
-Hum dono ki nazare mili,
-use dekhke aisa laga ki
.
.
.Kal use 100 % sardi hogi!
===========================

Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli masjid
thode hi hai, aise hi aaja!!

============================

Arz kiya hai,
Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge,
Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge,
Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge,
Ghanti bajainge aur bhaag jayenge !
==============================

Aaj didar, kal yaar, parso pyar, phir ekrar,
aur phir-intzar, phir-takrar,
phir- darar, saari mehnat-bekar,
aur akhir mein-Ek aur devdas at beer bar!

======================

Kya bindaas hawa chal raheli hai,
birdy gana ga raheli hai,cow log grass eat
raheli hai,shane log sms kar rahele hain
aur dhakkan log sms padh rahele hain!!
=========================
Ikhtiyarre tabbasum ki lau ko
tarranume numayish se aghaa dena...
Jo iska matlab samajh aaye to
please mujhe bhi bata dena.....

===================================

Ha ha ha ha hha ha ha ha ha hha ha
ho ho ho ho ho oh oh oh ooh ohh eh eh he he
hhe he he hee he he hha ha ho ho ho ho he he he.........
KUCH NAHIN BAS TUMHARI
SHAKAL YAAD AA GAYI.... ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho.....

====================================

Macchar ne jo kata... dil main mere junoon tha.
Khujli hui itni... dil be sukoon tha.
Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki....
sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha !

===============================


Maine poocha chand se...
Kabhi dekha hai mere yaar sa hasin.....
Chand bola....
12036 entries found !
==================


Andhe ke hath me "TORCH",
Bahare ke hath me "RADIO",
Gunge ke hath me "MIKE",
AUR AAP KE HATH ME "MOBILE"
WAH WAH Kya zamana Aaya hai!!!

============================
Evolution of Man:
Shadi se pahale: HERO No. 1
Shadi ke baad: COOLIE No. 1
Shadi se pahale: Meine Pyar Kiya
Shadi ke bad: Yeh Meine kya kiya

=================================

Bekabu hai dil fir bhi jiya ja raha hu,
Khali hao botal fir bhi piya ja raha hu,
Majburi to dekho is dil ki.
Reply nahi mil raha phir bhi msg kiya ja raha hu.

======================

exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya
KUCH TO HUA HAI KUCH HO GAYA HAI,
exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya
SAB KUCH ALAG HAI SAB KUCH NAYA HAI.

===============================

Main uski yaad mein ban gaya baraf ka gola
Main uski yaad mein ban gaya baraf ka gola
aur vo boli ki Thanda matlab Coca Cola

================================

Romance Mathematics
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
================================

Aap kya jaano hum kitna yaad karte hain
maano ya na maano har pal fariyaad karte hain
Roz khat likhte hain CARTOON NETWORK ko
aur aapko play karne ki maang karte hain....
waaaaahhhhhhhhh...
==========================

Baithe tere khayalo me,
kore kagaz pe likha tera naam...
Tasvir bhi bana dali aur likha ye Paigam..
'Zinda ya murda, pakadne vale ko 5000 nakad inam...

===============================

Pyaar ke jaam ko aise na piya, ki aadha piya aur adha chhod diya,
yaaron ye pyaar hai pyaar, nahi koi LEMON MAX BAAR, jo thoda sa lagaya or bas

hogaya....!
=========================

Ek truck dusre truck ko khinch ke jaa raha tha, yeh dekh kar ek aadmi

jor jor se husne lagaa or jamin pe lotpot ho gayaa aur bola,
"ek rasse ke tukde ko uthane ke liye 2-2 TRUCK?"
===============================

One man read a board 'likhane wala briliant, padhane wala idiot.."
Man becomes engry, he rub board and writes,
"padhane wala briliant, likhnewala idiot...."
============================

A 7 yr boy being tried in court for rape. Wakil holding boy's pen**:
"mi-lord, yek baccha kya rape kar sakta hai?
Boy "zyada mat hilao, nahi to case haar jayenge"

=============================

3 men discusing wives. 1st says my wife is very cold.
2nd says mine is very hot. 3rds a sardar, he says im confused,
I think she is cold but people say she is hot

===============================


Couple 4 divorce arguing 4 son's custody.
W: i gave birth 2 him with pain & labour, so he's mine.
H: if i put coin in pepsi machine & pepsi comes, is it mine or machines?

==============================

Dr. Talks to patient getting no erection. - married? - no. -
U masterbat? - no. - u visit prosts? - no. - u've g'friends? - no. -
Toh phir khada karke kya calender taangega?
============================

Sardar xplaining son why not 2 go 2 prostis.
"puttar u go 2 prostis, tainu aids ho jayegi, phir teri wife nu,
Phir mainu, phir teri ma nu aur phir saare gaon nu.
================================


A man goes to a prostitute, she asks him,” Are u married or single?"
He says "married" she replies,” sorry; we serve the needy, not the greedy."

========================

Enjoy!


When does skin meet skin? Hairs meet hair? And balls disappear?? -
Think.........u - dirty - mind......it happens when u blink ur eyes!